Auto Dialogue

I am going to start some new postings called Auto Dialogue make use of that YouTube channel that I have.   I will be posting the vlog here and on my YouTube channel.  Give me some ideas, because all of mine are militant and I need a little fluff.

My Birthday

Today is my birthday. I am not quite a half-century old.  I am 49 today. I am trying not to feel like it is just any other day, but that is how I feel.  I am usually very excited about my birthday, but today I am kind of blah, but then again, I haven't been excited about much.  I understand I suffer from depression, but in this time and age who doesn't.  I recognize the symptoms, but recognizing the signs and doing something about it are different.  Sometimes I just want to feel sad.  I don't want to feel better, and while everyone is looking at me and asking if I am ok, I just want them to leave me alone and let me be sad.  Let me listen to sad music, let me get teary eyed, I deserve to feel sorry for myself for a little while.  It is ok that a mourn for the person that was me way back when.  It is ok to mourn the person I wanted to be but did not become.  I am sad sometimes because of that, but I do recognize that the past cannot be revisited.  I just sometimes want to be self-indulgent in my sadness, this is how I cope.  Tomorrow I will take the steps that make everyone feel comfortable, and that helps me deal on a daily basis.  But today is my birthday, and I want to be sad, so I will be.