The Perfect Victim

Hello,

I was talking to the other part of the duo that know me better than my mother about a situation at work.  I female at my job tried to bring me up on charges of harassment, even throwing one of the two people who will even talk to her under the bus to prove her point.  But I was taught by the best, and I am still learning new things daily on how to navigate corporate life, so I was well covered. The documentation on her was overwhelming, but here is the problem, I have NOT and NEVER will be your beat around the bush female.  If I have something to say, I SAY it, and I won't apologize for saying it.  IT IS A JOB WITH CLEARLY DEFINED PERIMETERS.  So why is that in capital letters, because this is one of two jobs that I have ever had where what is expected is spelled out and explained clearly.  There is not one set of rules for one, and another set for two.  EVERYONE adheres to the same rules.  PERIOD.   But I am abrupt, I admit that.  I am straight to the point because I do not want you to put your interpretation on what I am requesting.  I need things to be very clear.  What does that have to do with being the perfect victim, its because I can't be victimized.  Basically, even against the strongest attack, I still seem stronger than the attacker, so there must be some validity to the attack, right?  Victim blaming, subtlety.  It's not that I am the first one she has tried this on, I am just the one that didn't give in.  The truth of the matter is my ego won't allow it.  You push me, I push back.  I have ALWAYS been the one that will walk away from a fight first, but if you block my path, I take you out, period.  It am slow to anger, I forgive easily, until I can't anymore.  And I don't go after you, I dismiss you. Once it's done, it's done.  But this little quirk in my personality give others the illusion that I can't be a victim, not true.  I just refused to be victimize.  That pathetic whoa is me, passive aggressive persona doesn't fit me well.  It's uncomfortable skin for me.  But, unfortunately women, especially women of color, are taught to get your way you must play the victim.  How many of you have not used this tactic to get what you want? If you say, not me, you're lying.  We all have.  I just chose not to, a long time ago.  This means that I have had to prepare myself for the backlash that being assertive, black and female would bring me.  This does not mean I am hard and relentless, my soul would not allow that.  I am a freakin' bleeding heart most of the time.  My children complain that I have a habit of collecting strays, kids, animals, etc.  I have been there, where the only thing holding me together are my children and God.  No one deserves to homeless, jobless, or ignored, but that doesn't make me a pushover.  If I reach out my hand to help you, take it, I got you.  But, understand if you bite that hand, you have lost my trust.  Once trust is loss, I will never do anything intentional, but I might just sit back and watch it happen, like a good victim.

listening to:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mt3D4H93hNs

G Soul.  I really like his voice.  Look him up, he sings in English, also.

not my gif, all props to who made, I am truly not that skilled.

2 of the reasons I stay grounded and relatively sane.

I love this picture of my daughter and her husband.

the skin I'm in

I want to take a small detour in talking about the skin I'm in, and I am not necessarily talking the literal muscle. How do you feel about who you are?  The "skin" you wear everyday.  Do you like who you are?  I have found when you like who you are people will gravitate towards you and that confidence that you radiate.  I know no one who is 100% satisfied with who they are, but I know a lot of people who fake it. Damn, even I fake it to an extent, but some people spend a life time faking it, not even allowing themselves the truth.  These people feel the need to tear down that which they desire.  They look for chinks in the armor while clinging to that image. Always wanting more, and if they are unable to achieve better than you, tearing you down until you are at their supposed level. This is personal self -destruction at its best, and not very Christian-like ( or Muslim, Hindi, etc).
 
Did you know it is hard to be a friend if you don't like yourself.  I did not choose my best friend, she chose me.  While growing up I was very ambivalent to everything around me.  I had so many things going on in my home life, that anything outside of that was irrelevant.  My now best friend arbitrarily told  me a secret and asked me not to say anything. Now to be honest at the time, I didn't really understand that she needed to tell someone, it didn't dawn on me that this was a test of trust.  She said don't tell anyone, I said I wouldn't. I didn't care about her as a friend, but I gave her my word as a person, so I didn't. Now we hung out together, hell it was only 48 or us in my whole grade, but we weren't close.  She asked me to keep a secret and I did. As simple as that. She was someone that I admired partly because I envied her skin-colored, and partly because she seemed to get along with everyone, but at the time in those few minutes that I assured her my silence, I did not realize that I was building a life long friendship. I admired her then and now as one of the hardest working females I have ever met.  She is constantly striving to be better, make more money, gather more knowledge even at our advance age.  She puts everything in a future perspective.  What will happen down the line?  And she works hard for the results she strives for.  I am more of a live now.  I can admit, contrary to my outer appearance, I slightly flighty and a bit of a hippie.  It takes a lot for me to have an opinion on something other than my own life.  But that strive for monetary success is something I have wanted to feel my whole life, but I have never gathered what ever that feeling is, but I have always known, since high school, she was going to succeed.

We lost touch a year after high school. but our sophomore year we started hanging out again.  She was driven.  She studied, worked, and raised her son.  So me re-entering her life was like  a tornado. I was a social hurricane.  I was in sorority. I was the president of 2 club, and the vice-president of another.  And I also had my underground friends......We were all at my apartment one day chilling in the cypher, and someone handed to her, and I stopped them. I said that she couldn't be part of this crew, I might need a job one day, so one of us had to succeed.  20 years later AT&T lays off 5000 people, guess who gave me a job.  I have learned that you don't tear down that which you admire, you bloom in its presence.  So where am I going with this, well I surround myself with that which I desire the most, but am lacking.  I don't break it.  I cherish and protect it. Friendship is just like any marriage, if you don't feel deserving of it, you are already at a fail.  If your self-esteem cannot handle the success of those you surround yourself with, it is not their fault. Recognize the skin you are in, is it comfortable, can you breath, or you slowing self-destructing while putting on the mask of arrogance.

At my age, I am still evolving and getting even more comfortable in the skin I'm in.  I still have issue with physical color, (that is a whole different issue) but I am comfortable enough that I only think about it once in a blue moon.  I still don't have many friends, I have developed a learned behavior to be very stand-offish, I no longer blame others for that, I realize in this instance I am at fault.  I haven't made an effort to change, so I accept this flaw in myself without blame.  But what I am most comfortable about the skin I am in is my ability to like me.   If I can be comfortable and like who I am, guess how great I can be as a friend.  If I like myself, why would I be jealous of you.  If I like myself, why would I ever feel the need to tear you down.  If I like myself, I can be the shoulder you can cry on if needed, and it will be our secret.  Self-reflection time, do you like you, if you don't, how can you truly like anyone else.  How can you truly be a friend.

My best friend

(this should appeal to her narcissism, all on my freakin' blog)

My daughter often leaves not with the wor goodbye,  but with the phrase "stay safe, sane and well hydrated." This is true for life and for your skin. Staying safe is self-explanatory.  Stay sane, stress stresses your skin. Anger stresses your skin. Keep the crazy down in your life, your skin will thank you for it. Well hydrated is oh so important,  why would I drink water when there are so many delicious alternatives? There are delicious alternatives,  drink them by all means,  just put the SODA down. Soda bad😖.   When thirsty drink water. Now saying goodbye,  stay safe, sane and well hydrated. 😊

I woke up like this, flawless.

The skin I'm in.

It took me years, and I mean years to feel comfortable with the skin I was in.  So you will see lots and lots of bare-faced pictures of me, my family, friends and anyone else who allows me to post the beauty of a bare face.  Women of color are given a bonus that we sometimes don't appreciate.  We don't grasp the blessing of skin rich with varying degrees of warmth.  Not foundation in the world can mimic the beauty of natural skin.  NOW, don't get me wrong, I loves me some  make-up and later we will delve into the types and cost of make-up, to enhance and not define your face.  But here I am just waking up from a text (you know who you are) and realizing I love my skin.  It has not always been this way, but I am glad that I have made it, because some people never do.  So here is the challenge, look at your face, really look at it.  Learn the texture, the feel.  Memorize each laugh line, each dark spot (I always look like I have been in a fight. genetics are a bitch sometimes), each mole, each perceived imperfection and accept. Hey, send me a picture of the beautiful you.
We all woke up like this, flawless.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=56qgO0C82vY

Don't forget to stop by at:

http://www.laurieslovelylocks.com/

Hello
Welcome to my Insanity

Almost 15 years ago, I walked in to a beautician/barber shop with 16-inch, brilliantly coiffed hair and I walked out with just enough to brush.  Five years ago, I found myself in a hospital room 3 years straight, for extreme abdominal pain.  The doctors ran countless test, tried to diagnose me countless things, but nothing ever stuck.  I was taking a pill for everything that ailed me.  Two years ago I drastically changed what I ate on a daily basis and six months ago was able to change all those prescriptions to vitamins.  I am a mother and a friend.  I am one of the strongest females that you will ever meet, and also the weakest.  But my weakness is what keeps me picking myself and reinventing who I am, all the time. This blog is about living on your on terms. Beauty, art and music, not based on anyone's taste other than mine.  I rant all the time.  I rant about the abusive relationship I have had with my hair, and body.  I rant about being the mother of  brilliant children.(definitely bias)  I rant about living in a society that still just doesn't get it, so be prepared.  And I listen.
Sooooooo..............
What is the blog about?  Anything I choose to speak about, but also about loving who YOU are.  If you are interested in natural hair, you will find some answers here, but most answers you find at my sister blog http://www.laurieslovelylocks.com/.  I will discuss the foods be decide to put in our bodies, and some foods you may have never considered.  We will discuss all the pills we pop so readily, and unnecessarily.  Hopefully you will follow me as I try to  plant my first vegetable garden.  We will talk about my ridiculous obsession with Korean, Japanese and African music or the addiction that Kdramas are.  Don't knock it, until you try it.


Suggestions, always welcome, abuse is not.